WEEK 49

More doctor's appointments. A year ago it was my big pig, but why should he have all the fun? As Joni Mitchell said, "you don't realize what you've got until it's gone." How true. While we've established I don't have cancer (come on, look at me, do I look like someone who's wasting away?) the issue of my having, or not having children came up. Until now, it wasn't that I couldn't have them or didn't want to, I just happened not to have any. Part of this comes from the saying that the greatest thing a father could do for his children was to love their mother. I think it goes conversely -- it is a great thing for children to see their mother love their father. As I think a husband should be more than a sperm donor and a meal ticket, I never got married, being that the only men who would have married me would have been little more than that.

And so, I'm assured the chosen course of treatment won't prevent me from having children, even though the clock is ticking big time. So we are safe for a while.

I guess another issue this week is taking people and things for granted. While the economy was reasonably good, the main source of my income was massage and public relations, both of which, like it or not, are seen as forms of prostitution. Now those have both dried up pretty much and I would be happy for the money no matter how emotionally unfulfilling I find both fields of work. I saw some internet article that said you have to love, or at least believe in what you're doing to have a fulfilling career. Unfortunately that's not how I feel about massage.

Today the shoe was on the other foot. My doctor had a student from Georgetown in his office. It was interesting to have someone else be the third person in the room, to be the one to sit there and shut up and offer to make photocopies. She was nice and asked all the right questions. I hope she gets a good grade.