WEEK 59

It hasn't been the most productive week and unfortunately not the most restful one either. Sunday I turned down work to go to the pignic, which was postponed anyway. Wednesday I turned down the opportunity to earn $200.00 because of a commitment to a job which would have paid only $20.00 and that was cancelled anyway. I worked 15 extra hours at one job but kept calling the other one every day to hear the project which was supposedly a go had been postponed over and over again. So for the comparatively little amount of money I earned I spent a lot of time on the phone and online. Still, it should mean more money next week. Traditionally, summer is a good time for radio subs, as most people take their vacations then and I can clean up. Unfortunately, it is apparently a slow time for massage therapists.

Dennis Prager talks about “compartmentalizing” one’s life and how we can’t let unhappiness from one sector seep into the others and poison everything. At least that’s the idea I get. I guess I could compartmentalize my life into the following sections:

1) The physical. My health is pretty good, other than being slightly overweight and tired all the time, some other minor things.

2) The financial. This is probably the area in which I am most successful, and not even very much at that. I will probably earn more this year than I did in 2000, the best-earning year of my life, but still not as much as is due a person with a master’s degree. But at least I can breathe a little more easily.

3) The emotional. Or call it the ego? Being a massage therapist and a public relations representative are not ego-gratifying and I am not getting much air time or even as much on-air mention as I want. When you grow up being compared to other people’s kids and having to compete with pets for your parents’ attention, this is no small thing. I guess it could be worse – I could be getting NO air-time and NO on-air mentions. And absolutely NO validation from my family.

4) The sexual-romantic. Hardly anything going on there. I feel if I had SOMETHING to hold onto, maybe I wouldn’t be so scared all the time. Take that the way you want to.

5) The social. My “friends” and relatives are wrapped up in their kids, their jobs, their pets, too. At least I got some people to come to my graduation party. And I get to do some fun things once in a while. Funny, I work all these free-lance jobs to have some freedom, yet there seems to be less of it.

6) The spiritual. Like Fox Mulder, I want to believe. I even have a mini-UFO poster over my desk. Sure, I believe in G-d, “energy,” a “higher power,” whatever. I drag myself to church, try to keep G-d's commandments, fulfill obligations etc, but it is basically out of fear of going to hell when I die, not out of love for G-d or my fellow human beings.

So there you have it. It could be worse.