WIPED

I've got that churning-stomach, itching-skin, want to stay in bed feeling. Can't figure out why -- I got an "A" on the final and I have sold more than $470.00 worth of Mary Kay Cosmetics since August.

WEEK 23

This mod is one half-over. Yay!

When I came here it was springtime. Now it's fall and it's getting colder and the days are getting shorter. When we graduate it will be in the dead of winter, but at least spring will be on its way.

I got a 98.4 on the finals. It was the highest mark in the class. To celebrate the end of the mod we went to Super Chicken and ordered Peruvian chicken. That stuff is addictive. So are the beans, the yucca and the plantains.

TOOK THE FINALS

I know I passed, I'm sure I got an "A."

For some reason career services had a presenter from the TSA give a presentation. Gee, that pays even less than what I'm doing now.

TRAGEDY TOMORROW, COMEDY TONIGHT

Or maybe that should read "finals tomorrow, studying tonight."

We have finals in less than 24 hours. I just saw a Cheerios spot on TV. A guy older than me is telling his son (grandson?) he has to prepare for his cholesterol test so he's eating Cheerios. Yeah, that's something else I have to do. Evidently the friendly folks at General Mills now have something called "Fruity Cheerios." Maybe I should eat them instead of donuts.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

I think I finally figured out that's true.

It's good to be on my couch with the pigs in their pen.

Not rich, not famous, not beautiful, not even liked, just home.

I'M BACK

Nobody killed anybody. We are learning which toes not to tread on, which buttons not to push, which raw nerves not to touch. And I sold over $280 worth of Mary Kay cosmetics.

SWEET HOME PENNSYLVANIA

In about an hour I am headed out to visit my relatives. if you hear about mayhem in western Pennsylvania, Osama Bin Laden had nothing to do with it this time. Whether or not the man is living or dead is immaterial.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 5767!

What are you doing online? Why aren't you in temple praying?

WEEK 22

Only one week left in this mod. At first I doubted my ability to master the academic part, or the theory. Then I worried about my ability to handle the physical demands, or the practice. Then I worried about my ability to combine theory and practice. It seemed I was getting everything wrong, then they called me into the clinic. I’m not even supposed to be there for almost another two months.

The guy was smiling and he gave me a more than 25% tip. I’d like to think he wasn’t just being polite.

Next Friday four of us will be halfway through. Mom sez we’ll celebrate Sunday.

DANNY'S SONG

"I like big butts and I cannot lie
u other brotherz can't deny
when a girl walks in with a itty, bitty, waist
and a round thing in ur face
u get sprung want to pull up tough
cuz u noticed that butt was stuck
beef to the jeans shes wearing
i'm hooked and I can't stop staring
oh baby I wanna get wit cha
and take ur pictcha
my homeboys tryed 2 warn me
but that butt u got makes me so horny ooooooo
rumple smooth skin
u say u wanna get my benz
well use me use me
cuz u ain't that average groupie
I seen her dancin to hell with romancing
she sweat wet
shes got it going like a turbo jet
im tired of magazines seein flat butts are the thingcuz the average black man ask him
that shes got 2 pack much back
so fellas YAH!
fellas YAH!
cuz ur girlfriends got the butt
HELL YAH!
shake it yah
shake it
yah shake that healthy buttbaby got back baby got back
I like them round and big
and when Im throwing a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm acting like an animal
now here's my scandal
I wanna get u home
and uh double up uh uh
I ain't talking bout playboy
those silicon parts are made for toys
I want them real thick and juicy
so find that juicy
double mix-alot seem trouble
begging for a piece of that bubble
so Im looking at rock videos knocking these bimbos
looking like hoes
u can those bimbos
I keep my women like flo-jo
a word to the thick soled sisterz
i wanna get wit cha
i won't cus or hit cha
i gotta be straight
when I say I wanna uh to the break of dawn
baby's got it going on
a lot of sims won't like this song
cuz thoses punks like to hit and quit it
and I'd rather stay and play cuz
I'm long and I'm strong
and I'm down to get this frick shit onso ladies YAH!
ladies YAH!
so u wanna roll my mercedes YAH!
so turn around stick it out
even white boys got 2 shout
baby got back baby got back
yah baby
when it comes to females cosmo ain't got nothing to do
with my selection 36 24 36
only if she's 5'3"
so ur girlfriend owns a honda
playing workout tapes by fonda
but fonda ain't got a motor on the back of her honda
my anacoda don't got none unless u got buns hun
you can do side bends or sit-ups
but please don't use that butt
some brotherz wanna play that hard roll
and tell ya that the butt ain't gold
so they toss and leave it
and i pull up quick to retrieve it
so cosmo says ur fat
well i ain't down wit dat
cuz ur waist is small and ur curves are kicking
and im thinking bout sticking
to the beanpole dames
and the magazines
you ain't it miss thing give me a sista
i can't resist her red beans and rice didn't miss her
some knuckle head tried to dis cuz those girls are on my list
he had game but he chose to hit em
and I pull up quick to get wit him
so ladies if da butt is round
and u wanna triple xbo
down dial 1-900-mixalot and kick dem nasty thoughts
baby got back baby got back
little in the middle but u got much back
little in the middle but u got much back
little in the middle but u got much back
little in the middle but u got much back


Baby Got Back

by Sir Mix a Lot

Actually it's his ringtone. Maybe I should get it for mine -- beats Pachelbel's Canon in D.

ASKING ONLY WORKMAN'S WAGES

...I come looking for a job, But I get no offers, Just a come-on from the whores On Seventh Avenue."

Paul Simon/Art Garfunkel

I'm not even asking for wages for G-d's sake. Okay, and the hospital does want me in its volunteer program, but the question is whether the school will approve the program. At least I got my immunization records from my graduate school. That part was disturbingly easy.

CHEAP CURE

My father used to say psyche majors were looking for a cheap cure -- they were so fucked up themselves. Ruben commented on how tight my back muscles are. Maybe that's why I want to be an MT. I got an e-mail from my first love today. He sez "do what you want to do and you'll be better at it than most." I am already good at massage therapy, at least the academic part, but the problem is it's not what I really want to do.

I READ ABOUT PENISES TODAY

And I thought of you. As tempting as it is, I'm not adding any graphics to this one.

NAP TIME

I am working all night and into the morning so it's nap time now. You know you're sleep-deprived when pregnant women say "you need the sleep more than I do."

FIVE MONTHS

Five months left until my last day of school. Actually slightly less than that according to the Timeleft countdown clock.

IT'S A FINE, FINE DAY

For a reunion. We had the centennial reunion at our elementary school today. It's probably less than a mile from my current school.

The girl who called me a lesbian throughout junior and senior high school was there. So was the nun who told Mom it was a good idea to punish me for things that weren't my fault.

WEEK 21

Only two weeks left in this mod. Sometimes I doubt my ability to pass the written exam, other times I wonder whether I have the physical strength and endurance to make a go of it. And I worry about wrecking my body and rendering myself disabled.

A HAPPY ENDING

No, not what you think. Last night my baby pig was like a pig on crack or speed or something like that. I had to feed her by hand. Evidently it was gas. She seems to be doing better now. I thought I would lose her. Maybe the universe doesn't hate me.

THE SIX-MILLION DOLLAR ARM

ABC reports researchers have come up with a bionic arm they hope will help wounded veterans. Hmmmm, maybe if we got out of Iraq there would be fewer casualties?

TAMMY'S BABY SHOWER

We had Tammy's baby shower today. She and Eric are happy and I'm happy for them. I wonder whether I should have got married/had kids?

PRIMARY DAY

Today is primary day in DC, Maryland and Virginia. For all the bitching I did about having to work election night I would rather be covering the Charles or Fauquier County elections than doing massages or public relations.

HAIL TO THE DEADSKINS

Uh, sorry, that should be Redskins. WTOP reports they lost their first regular-season game to the Vikings tonight, 19-16.

Is the fact that our school provides them with massages anything?

FIVE YEARS LATER

I will never forget that morning. The woman who told me about the World Trade Center was a space cadet, so I didn't take her too seriously. What I understood was that a plane had hit one of the twin towers. I thought it was a little crop duster that had gone off course or something. I knew at least the pilot of that plane was dead so I said the traditional prayer for the dead, "eternal rest grant unto him, o Lord, and may the perpetual light shine upon him." We could see the smoke coming from the Pentagon for days and that was as far away as Silver Spring.

We didn't talk much about it in school tonight.

YOUR LUCKY ELEMENTS

Click here for your lucky elements.

THE TWO OF WANDS

The card I drew for today is the two of wands. Joan Bunning says it stands for commanding attention and respect, taking a different approach and being able to achieve your goals. So I won't have to live like this forever.

THE UNIVERSE HATES ME

Sara came up with an alternative to the phrase "G-d hates me." It's "the universe hates me."

WEEK 20

This mod is half-over. Thank G-d. We had midterms this week. As far as I know all of us passed and most of us aced them. I got a 100 or close enuff. For the past two weeks we have been talking about poop. Next week we will learn about urine.

MIDTERMS TOMORROW

We have midterms tomorrow. Prayers, good thoughts, naked moonlight dances appreciated.

Channel 7 reports there was a carjacking about a mile from our school. Don't think I was anywhere near there when it happened.

EWWWW!!!

Last week the subject of coffee enemas came up and Ziggy wanted to know whether they were flavoured. Sick, sick, sick.

A friend of Kevin's father was found dead giving himself a vodka enema. Evidently you get more kick from the vodka if you take it rectally. I looked up dexamethasone in Mom's PDR and saw you can take that in enema form. Talk about a kick in the head, so to speak.

GOT OUR GRADES

I got an "A" for the last mod and now have an "A" average. It's been a long time since I've been a straight-A student, but in all fairness it's been a while since I've been a student, period.

DOCTOR DEAD

Channel 4 reports a Bethesda psychiatrist who specialized in psychoses was killed by someone else's patient. And Mom worries about what my clients will do to me.

DEAD MAN FARTING

Mom sez people in comas fart. Brandilynn sez so do bloaty dead people.

THE NUMBERS GAME

Yesterday after church some of us went to Trio for dinner. I didn't go, as I had to work, but went along on the walk as a way of communicating with other human beings. One of the women sez she's teaching math now so all she deals with are numbers. I look at, touch and read about other human beings every day but to me terms like "vastus lateralis" and "serratus anterior" are just words on paper.

LABOUR DAY

Happy Labour Day!

No school today and I finish labouring in less than three hours. Woot!

DOWN IN THE MOUTH

Yesterday I was watching an infomercial on Newschannel 8 on cosmetic dentistry. Actually it was neuromuscular dentistry, too. The guy talked about bite problems that can cause all kinds of pain. And he showed pictures of the insides of a patient’s mouth – all angles. It was pretty oogy.

YOU SHOULD GO

Geraldine has some good classes coming up. I probably won't be able to go, but you should.

THE POOP SHOW

Francis came up with that term. It describes various radio and TV infomercials dealing with various bodily functions, usually unpleasant ones. I used to like to have my snack towards the end of my morning shift but the poop shows killed that. Yesterday I was running the board for Prager who usually doesn't get gross but recently he's been hawking some kind of magnesium supplement and describing its laxative effects. I was eating a slice of pizza at the time. One can never win.

BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?

I was telling Mom I was looking forward to losing weight on Synthroid. She said "you might." Jeez, why else take it? Oh, I guess to get my cholesterol down. And look and feel better otherwise.

WEEK 19

This mod is now one-third over. And about five and a half months left until the official last day of school. Not that I'm not enjoying it, but... I guess I didn't mention it, but it was ten years ago on August 23rd that I bought my condo. Who knew that within those ten years I would go through multiple jobs, multiple relationships, be robbed and lose several family members? But then I am thinking of buying another condo at the beach so that's progress. We got off early on account of Hurricane Ernesto. Kind of like an early start to our holiday.