A NEW EXPERIENCE, A NEW DIRECTION

Saw the endocrinologist today. My blood pressure was 106/54. He put me on synthroid.

It's the first time I entered a hospital wearing scrubs. It felt different. I wonder whether people looked at me differently.

LITTLE KIDS

Are germ factories. At least I blame them for my latest set of what I will politely call flu-like symptoms.

At work they got me a surprise birthday cake. I won't say what I wish for but I KNOW I will be doing something more lucrative in a year from now. Even it it's waitressing.

EYE BOOGERS

Tonight we learned the plica semilunaris is what makes eye boogers. It is stuff like this that keeps me in skool.

BRILLIANT DISGUISE

I hold you in my arms
as the band plays
What are those words whispered baby
just as you turn awayI saw you last night
out on the edge of town
I wanna read your mind
To know just what I've got in this new thing I've found
So tell me what I see
when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby
or just a brilliant disguise
I heard somebody call your name
from underneath our willow
I saw something tucked in shame
underneath your pillow
Well I've tried so hard baby
but I just can't see
What a woman like youis doing with me
So tell me who I see
when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby
or just a brilliant disguise
Now look at me baby
struggling to do everything right
And then it all falls apart
when out go the lights
I'm just a lonely pilgrim
I walk this world in wealth
I want to know if it's you I don't trust
'cause I damn sure don't trust myself
Now you play the loving woman
I'll play the faithful man
But just don't look too close
into the palm of my hand
We stood at the alter
the gypsy swore our future was right
But come the wee wee hours
Well maybe baby the gypsy lied
So when you look at me
you better look hard and look twice
Is that me babyor just a brilliant disguise
Tonight our bed is cold
I'm lost in the darkness of our love
God have mercy on the man
Who doubts what he's sure of

Bruce Springsteen

A song from the Jersey Shore. Every time I go I swear I'm not coming back home. They say sea water is incredibly close to human blood. Or maybe it's the other way around.

Got a tarot reading on the boardwalk. The reader, who appears to be the real thing says my future is "fun in a weird way." There are lots of changes coming my way, but I am not convinced they are for the better. Reversals show blockages, but not opposites. Also a tendency to obsess like a hamster on a wheel. What others want for me is not what I want. What looks too good to be true might actually be true. Don't include people in my plans who are not includeable. Saying "no" is not a problem, but dealing with people's reactions to it is. Time is a challenge to me. She probably meant getting more money before time runs out. The number nine appears a lot.

GONE FISHIN'

Or sunbathin.’ Or shoppin.’

The card I drew for today is the six of swords, which can indicate a journey by water. Or in this case TO it. Also, as Joan Bunning sez, “dealing with the effects of trauma, getting over a tough time getting by, but not thriving.”

"CHEAP IS EXPENSIVE"

That's what Aunt Ellen's MIL used to say, and she was right. I spent three bucks on an eyebrow wax from a fellow student and now I look as though I have second-degree burns above my eyes. Maybe people will think it's some new ultra-high-fashion highlighting technique.

WEEK 18

“Suspended in the mist over Berchtesgaden. Caught in the folds of Chamberlain's umbrella. In Spain there was Guernica! Here there were dance halls, bars, liquor, hot swing music, and sex that hung in the gloom like a chandelier. All the world was waiting for bombardments."

Tennessee Williams

This mod is one-sixth over. Yay! Yes, I am waiting for bombardments. My life is unanswered phone calls and e-mails, wrong numbers on my caller ID, little snail mail except bills. Dianne told me this would be a time of growth, change and development but not necessarily fast. It seems as though EVERYONE’S on vacation, kinda like France. The Manson murders took place in August. And World War II started then, too .

NINTH ROCK FROM THE SUN

The International Astronomical Union says Pluto is no longer a planet. In fourth grade the mnemonic we learned for the nine planets was "my very education mother just served us nine pumpkins." I guess now it would be "my very educated mother just served us nothing." Science marches on.

GARDEN PARTY

We had the annual condo garden party tonight. I donated two Mary Kay goody bags and a gift certificate. Now we'll see what happens.

THE BLUES

I have been feeling blue. I guess because none of my jobs are bringing in much money, no one seems to want to buy my Mary Kay stuff and I'm training for a career which will bring financial satisfaction but not much psychic income. And because the only time the phone rang all day was the Washington Piss guy calling to tell me I filled out my last payment check wrong. And only guys to whom I feel no attraction are e-mailing.

On the bright side, Win treated us to Starbucks and Sarah says I may get to do some tutoring.

MY SHIPMENT HAS COME IN II

My Mary Kay business cards and stickers have arrived. I feel better. Now all I have to do is sell this stuff. I have almost a year in which to do it.

As luck would have it, both my dermatologist and my GP are on vacation. My GP's partner did return my call and told me to stay on the Doxycycline.

A NEW MOD

There are now eight of us in our class, nine if you include the teacher. Mike is gone -- he has switched to X-ray technician or personal training, I forget which. I am the whitest person in our class, in fact the only white person. Except for Pierre I am the only one who speaks English as her native language -- I presume Pierre's native language is English.

I am feeling kind of punk tonight. It must be an allergy or a virus as I am on an antibiotic already. Also it comes from people not returning my phone calls/emails and the hundreds of dollars' worth of Mary Kay stuff in my bedroom. I keep telling myself "be patient, your business cards and stickers haven't arrived yet so you can't really start selling the stuff anyway." And "give yourself a year. You can get 90% of your money back if you act in time."

Then Susan said "Good luck... and remember, the more people you talk to, the better you will become... You will make plenty of mistakes, but (what I always like to say is) Thank goodness I'll never make that mistake for the first time again! Enjoy the journey... go out to enrich women's lives, to make people's lives better... not to sell products... and you will find that they will want what you have... with your massage, give them all you've got... and with that wonderful touch, they will want whatever it is you are putting on them to remind them of when they got that massage.And remember that there are a lot of people who NEVER get touched... you have a ministry to touch (no pun intended!) people's lives... I know you are going to be great! Just be patient with yourself... you will get out of it what you put into it...Remember, like Mary Kay always said... make other's feel important... that is the secret to ALL success involving people. Get the focus off ME and onto the other.You can do it!"

And a guy e-mailed me back after two days.

TO HAVE AND TO HAVE NOT

The card I got for today is the six of pentacles.

Joan Bunning refers to it as the card of “having/not having" and deciding who’s REALLY in charge, “the tyrannical invalid who dominates through weakness. The teacher who learns from her students. The parent who controls by giving money.”

Geraldine Amaral says there are no bad cards – we get the ones we’re supposed to have. Hmmmm.

IT'S WRITTEN IN THE WIND

Or the stars:

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.

Pisces (2/19 - 3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.

Aries (3/21 - 4/19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.

Taurus (4/20 - 5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are a Communist.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. Most people like you, as you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. In other words, you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest.

Cancer (6/21 - 7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off; that's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.

Leo (7/23 - 8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are just pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.

Virgo (8/23 - 9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

Libra (9/23 - 10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are good prostitutes. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (10/23 - 11/21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dopers. People laugh at you a great deal.

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything; you are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long, as they take root and become trees.


Saw Dianne this week as I try to at least once if not twice per year. As usual the main questions were about finance and romance, but also about stupid decisions I tend to make. Dianne sez if you go by what seems like good information at the time then it’s not your fault, and besides, I did learn from it.

According to her the next year or two will be a time of healing, especially between now and December with a need for forgiveness. Writing will be important, especially journaling (blogging?)

Questions I will be stewing over – what is my purpose in life? What has frustrated me?

The next years will be two of big change, with unresolved anger a big issue. In December/January I will be meeting someone who gives me the feeling of being loved – this time should also be financially promising.

At the end of this September, evidently due to a moon thing, I will be questioning things a lot and feel quarrelsome or a lack of vitality.

August 2007 will begin a new phase with a new way of dealing with others, also better prospects for love relationships including self-love.

In March I will be very impressionable and possibly deceived, with a tendency to sacrifice myself and put people onto pedestals. A relationship begun then may or may not last. There is also a question of my expecting too much or not enough of other people or myself.

There is a need to let go of people, especially my own inner critic.

Holiday Mathis says "You're living rich this year -- rich in love, in experience, rich in fun and adventure ... and in riches, too. It begins with a decision to be more honest with yourself. Apply what you learn in September to fix a financial problem. Keep educating yourself this fall. Creative people enter your realm in January. Virgo and Gemini people are especially sweet. Lucky numbers are: 28, 11, 31, 45 and 36."

Today is Bill Clinton’s 60th birthday. Not only are we both Leos with Libra rising (our charts look frighteningly alike) but we also have rosacea.

BLOGS OF NOTE

Or notes on two blogs.

Metameat, which has provided the inspiration for this blog, has changed addresses.

Another inspirational blog is The Examing Room of Dr. Charles. His Fun with Stool Cultures post inspired me to add visuals.

THE INTERNSHIP

In order to graduate we are required to do an unpaid internship. I figure if I don't get paid I want to intern somewhere that looks good on a resume, is fun or leads to lucrative employment. Or at least someplace where I wouldn't mind using their hot tub.

My first choice is a local teaching hospital. The head of volunteer services says we need at least one recommendation saying why we would make good volunteers. I asked the head of the coronary care unit and said it was ok even if he said something like "she keeps her appointments, she speaks English and she hasn't exhibited any psychotic behaviour."

WEEK 17

We had finals. All of us passed. Two mods down, four to go.

MY SHIPMENT HAS COME IN!

Not my ship, but my shipment. My Mary Kay stuff has arrived! All five boxes of it! Anyone who orders before September 16th will get a 10 to 20% discount.

LESS THAN SIX MONTHS

In light of the recent tragedy I did not want to post anything lighthearted yesterday, but we now have less than six months until our official last day of school. Woot!

RAMSEY MURDER ARREST

ABC News reports there's been an arrest in the Jon Benet Ramsey murder case. There has been too much about children dying recently. Today in class Shirl mentioned victims' compensation. It brought back memories of the robbery.

THE LITTLE GIRL DIED

Newschannel 8 reports the little girl died this morning. Authorities are charging the boyfriend with murder.

TRAGEDY IN OUR SCHOOL

Officials have charged the boyfriend of one of our students with the malicious wounding of her three-year-old daughter. The child has nine life-threatening injuries including a torn pancreas and swelling of the brain, which the police say "none of which could be self-inflicted." I was in Delaware when the story broke.

We are taking up a collection for the mother, who evidently does not have insurance.

FUN FACTS

Normal healthy human beings have three lobes in their right lungs but only two in the left lung.

"ISN'T IT DELICIOUS...

...To be a birthday child?"

Rose Fyleman

Spent part of the day in Delaware. The good news is I don't have lupus. The bad news is I have rosacea. The good news is my auto insurance is paid up. The bad news is a piece of broken taillight hit my side view matter. The good news is no one was hurt.

I was feeling kinda bummed, thinking of how old I am and how I'm massaging horny fat guys and selling bath and body products. I didn't starve myself and take dancing lessons and get a master's degree for this. Then I went to Fran's. She's 85. She told me she didn't start teaching until she was 48 and taught until she was 65. So I still have time.

Fuckhead made up a birthday song for me called "Happy Birthday, Bitch." It could be a rap song.

PLASMA NOTES

My latest set of notes have been saved as "Plasma." As a CMT I will not have to know much about blood, other than not to massage a client who is bleeding, not to bleed onto a client and not to make a client bleed.

Kind of like an early childhood education major I knew who was fuming over chemistry -- "what do I have to tell the kids about acid? Don't play with acid? Don't get acid on the dog?"

HOW TO DRAW GENITALIA

And other courses our school is offering next mod:

Self Improvement

SI 100 Creative Suffering
SI 101 Overcoming Peace of Mind
SI 102 You and Your Birthmark
SI 103 Guilt without Sex
SI 104 The Primal Shrug
SI 105 Ego Gratification Through Violence
SI 106 Dealing with Post-Realisation Depression
SI 107 Whining Your Way to Alienation
SI 108 Moulding Your Child's Behaviour Through Guilt and Fear
SI 109 How to Overcome Self Doubt Through Pretentiousness and Ostentation

Business and Career

BC 101 Money Can Make You Rich
BC 102 Packaging and Selling Your Child
BC 103 Career Opportunities in Beirut
BC 104 How To Profit From Your Own Body
BC 105 Underachievers Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities
BC 106 Looters Guide to Cities

Crafts

C 101 Self Actualisation Through Macrame
C 102 How to Draw Genitalia
C 103 Needlecraft for Junkies
C 104 Gifts for the Senile
C 105 Bonsai your Parrot
C 106 Rearrange your Mate

Home Economics

HE 101 Cultivating Viruses in your Refridgerator
HE 102 Burgular Proof your Home with Concrete
HE 103 Sinus Drainage in your Own Home
HE 104 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy
HE 105 Convert your Wheelchair into a Dune Buggy
HE 106 1001 other uses for your Vacuum Cleaner
HE 107 How to Convert your Granny's Flat into a Garage

Health and Fitness

HF 101 Creative Tooth Decay
HF 102 Exorcism and Eczema
HF 103 The Joys of Hypochondria
HF 104 High Fibre Sex
HF 105 Suicide and your Health
HF 106 Biofeedback and How to Stop It
HF 107 Understanding Nudity
HF 108 Optional Body Functions
HF 109 Rhythm and Regular Movement with Prunes
HF 110 Tap Dance your way to Social Ridicule

(Just kidding)

WEEK 16

Sweet 16. We started practicals tonight. On Tuesday I will find out whether I've passed. I only got one wrong on the practice quiz. The weather is absolutely gorgeous. Except for a couple hours Sunday I hope to not have to work again until Wednesday.

BE UNDRESSED READY MY ANGEL

That's what people used to say "Burma" stood for. Except now it's called Myanmar. Tonight we had a substitute teacher from Myanmar who said Tylenol is unknown in his country -- people there prefer wholistic remedies. Except according to the World Health Organization the average Myanmarian man has a life expectancy of about 19 years less than that of the average American man. So can we say Tylenol saves lives?

During the '80's people were putting cyanide into extra-strength Tylenol. One high school got in trouble for a homecoming float that said "Tylenol the Tigers," showing a dead tiger. I had some Tylenol I got from the infirmary. I took them one at a time just to see what would happen.

GOING PINK

Well, I have become a Mary Kay consultant. It started out as a joke. One night in class we were talking about clients who smell gamey and I suggested giving them some bath gel or deodorant or something like that. Then I figured, "why not profit off of it and SELL them some bath gel?" Ed sez "are you sure you're not Jewish?"

MY EXTRA-CREDIT PROJECT II

MAGICKAL POWERS OF HERBS
1) Angelica: Joy, feeling of welcome

2) Astragalus: Creativity

3) Burdock: Protection, clearing negative energy

4) Cayenne: Passion, strength, power

5) Chamomile: Dreams, calming anger, peace, meditation, sleep, love

6) Cinnamon: Energy, lust, prosperity, abundance, protection

7) Dong Quai: "The female ginseng," all things female

8) Echinacea: Purity, protection

9) Ephedra (Ma Huang): Used in some teas, other blends. VERY hard to get as it's now illegal

10) Fennel: Agreement, relief, balancing

11) Garlic: Health, protection

12) Gentian: Love, power, cleansing

13) Ginger: Peace, love

14) Gingko Biloba: Clarity

15) Ginseng: Cosmic energy

16) Goldenseal: Cleansing. Can alter drug tests

17) Hawthorne: Breaking bad habits, ridding self of negative energy

18) Juniper: Love, protection, exorcism

19) Licorice: "The peacemaker herb"

20) Lobelia: Breaking things up, letting go

21) Marshmallow: Love, protection, exorcism

22) Mistletoe: Peace, love, friendship, considered very important by Druids

23) Mullein: Healing, rest

24) Parsley: Aphrodisiac, counters impotence, purification

25) St. John's Wort: Strength, protection

26) Sassafras: Money, success, healing, protection

27) Sasparilla: Love, health, money

28) Skullcap: Inward focus, peace

29) Turmeric: Purification

30) Valerian: Peace, love, purification

31) Yarrow: Magic, banish, protection, releasing

32) Yellow Dock: Rebuilding, strength

http://www.bewitchingways.com/charts/herbs/herb_use.htm

http://www.magick7.com/magick/herbs-dl.htm

http://databar.com/hemispheres/herbalism.html

http://www.starfirescircle.com/herbs_for_magick.txt

http://www.detox4life.com.au/images/herbs/cayenne.jpg

http://www.kulturpool.se/ulla_lindborg/garlic.jpg

http://www.medizin.de/gesundheit/deutsch/706.htm

http://www.nutrasanus.com/images/panax-ginseng-image.gif

http://dendrology.free.fr/us/images/gingko01.gif

http://www.mass.gov/agr/gardening/herbs/goldenseal.jpg

http://www.herbs2000.com/images/herbs_mistletoe.jpg

The Herbal Tarot Deck and Book by Michael Tierra and Candis Cantin

The Little Book of Spells by Suzanne Siegel Zenkel

MY EXTRA-CREDIT PROJECT

Medicinal Properties of Herbs

1) Angelica: Anemia, heart health, immunity

2) Astragalus Healing infections, heart health

3) Burdock: Immune support, healing

4) Cayenne: Lowers cholesterol, supports circulation

5) Chamomile: Healing, relaxing

6) Cinnamon: Healing, antiseptic, labour-inducing, fights some infections

7) Dong Quai: Labour-inducing, purifies blood, treats anemia

8) Echinacea: Fights infection, boosts immunity

9) Ephedra: Also known as "ma huang," raises blood pressure and heart rate

10) Fennel: Fights some infections

11) Garlic: Lowers Blood Pressure, cholesterol

12) Gentian: Fights some infections

13) Ginger: Calming, improves circulation (wild ginger is a stimulant)

14) Gingko Biloba: Aids blood flow

15) Ginseng: All forms, American, Korean and Siberian, help immune system. American lowers cholesterol, Siberian aids circulation

16) Goldenseal: Heals, builds immunity

17) Hawthorne: Lowers blood pressure, cholesterol, aids processing of nutrients

18) Juniper: Fights infections, stimulates nephrons

19) Licorice: Treats coughs, digestive upsets, raises blood pressure

20) Lobelia: Relaxing, soothing

21) Marshmallow: Relieves some infections, soothing, promotes healing

22) Mistletoe: Lowers blood pressure, strengthens heart, believed to have spiritual, healing
powers, is toxic, especially to pets.

23) Mullein: Calming, soothing

24) Parsley: Leaves, roots and seeds are a diuretic, roots may reduce infections, seeds may increase circulation

25) St. John's Wort: diuretic, treats varicose veins, hemorrhoids, bruises

26) Sassafras: Diuretic, may purify blood, fight infections

27) Sarsparilla: Cleanses blood, may fight infections

28) Skullcap: Strengthens heart muscle, circulation, fights infections

29) Turmeric: Lowers cholesterol, fights clots, bruises, fights some infections

30) Valerian: Calming, diuretic

31) Yarrow: Relaxes blood vessels, promotes circulation

32) Yellow Dock: Treats anemias, purifies blood

http://www.herbs.org/herbpacketsummariesA-C.htm

http://earthhome.tripod.com/herbuse.html

http://www.thehermitsgrove.org/remdex.html

http://www.boldweb.com/greenweb/ailplant.htm

http://www.totse.com/en/fringe/fringe_science/herbs.html

http://www.greatamericanproducts.com/pages/Home/Glossary/A

http://www.herbalremediesinfo.com/herbsforspecificbodysystems.html

http://www.holisticpractitionersnetwork.com/herbal/herbal.htm

http://www.viable-herbal.com/herbology/herbs09.htm

http://www.theolivebranch.com/herbs/index-h.htm



http://www.detox4life.com.au/images/herbs/cayenne.jpg

http://www.kulturpool.se/ulla_lindborg/garlic.jpg

http://www.medizin.de/gesundheit/deutsch/706.htm

http://www.nutrasanus.com/images/panax-ginseng-image.gif

http://dendrology.free.fr/us/images/gingko01.gif

http://www.mass.gov/agr/gardening/herbs/goldenseal.jpg

http://www.herbs2000.com/images/herbs_mistletoe.jpg

WISHFUL THINKING

A conversation with the guy who gives me sex toys/dirty books every birthday/Chanukah:

Me: Guess what I've become?

Dirty Guy: A heterosexual?

Oh, that hurts.

SUNNY SUNDAY

It's too nice to sit indoors online, but if you are stuck there, read Massage Magazine. Or click here for Communist Propaganda.

THE RICE TREATMENT

No, it does not refer to putting rice into a sock, microwaving it and placing it on an injured area. It stands for

Rest
Ice
Compression
Elevation

Somebody dropped a cup or a bowl or something on the kitchen floor and our crack cleaning crew didn't get it all. One of the little shards got into my foot and evidently hit a bleeder. This was about seven minutes before the beginning of my shift. I managed to hobble into the control room and sit on a countertop with my foot elevated. What was embarrassing was how nasty my feet looked, especially my toenails.

An interesting fact: both Google and Altavista searches of the word "rice" turned up pictures of Condoleeza Rice (smacks self on forehead)

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WEEK 15

This mod is now two-thirds over, but who's counting? The other day Shirl asked us to list at least one positive thing and one negative thing, if any, that will happen when we become CMT's. I did not list "meeting hot guys with disposable income" as one of the positives or negatives for that matter.

Five positive things:

1) I will become financially solvent -- not living hand-to-mouth, able to pay off the huge bills I've racked up in the last five and a half years, put aside some for retirement and help my mother (not that she needs it)

2) I will become more empowered, not having to depend on Craig and his list or the public relations work which I hate more than death itself.

3) I will be healthier. I will get more sleep and eat less fast food. Not only will I be able to afford healthier food, I will be more motivated to buy it and cook it. I will also have more time for doctor's and dentist's appointments and not have to think twice about tests, medications, procedures etc. Hmmm, I could also get a job at a health club and get to work out there for free, too.

4) I will be professionally more diverse. Is that the word? This experience has taught me I may also want to go into sales (I have heard a lot of MT's earn extra money from selling spa products). Also, I am a lot better at anatomy and physiology than I thought I would be. This has got me interested in medical writing, reporting and editing.

5) I will be more balanced and centered, mostly as a result of having more money. I will not have to live out of my car, not always be rushing from one job to another, not always losing or forgetting things, not snapping at people as a result of sleep deprivation/poor diet.

Two negative things:

1) In case you haven't figured it out, lack of people skills have been more of a liability for me than appearance, lack of talent, intelligence, work ethic. I worry about clients with attitude, cancelling, not tipping, making snotty remarks, treating me like a hooker. Shirl says a lot of this will go away when I stop advertising with Craig and his list.

2) Wrecking my health through bad body mechanics, infection. Yeah, I realize I said earlier I expect to be healthier, but still I have a lot to learn in the way of body mechanics, as I wrecked my hands before Mark's funeral last summer. Also, I worry about accidents like getting my hand caught in a a meat grinder or between two bowling balls or something like that. Then there's my lack of resistance. After a couple days of hard physical work I end up with a low-grade fever, flu-like symptoms etc, either from pathogens passed on by clients or just emotional strain.

Sometimes I go to the bowling alley across the street for a cold drink. Then I realize what progress I have made -- I don't work in a bowling alley anymore and hopefully I never will again.

TELLING CLIENTS THEY SUCK

Is not a good way to guarantee yourself a tip.

SENIOR SOLUTION

One of the cosmetology students walked into the library carrying two giant jugs of perming solution. Before he got his degree Robert worked in a senior citizens' home. He was carrying two big jugs of cleaning fluid and one of the old folks said "I hope you sell some of that, sonny."

THOSE LAZY, HAZY, CRAZY...

It's a typical southern summer night -- hazy hot and humid. When it comes to cliches I wrote the book. When I don't go out in the car during break I walk out to the highway. Lee Highway goes north and south. Hillwood Avenue goes east. If I look a little farther I can see Broad Street, which goes east and west. The main thing is they all go OUT OF Falls Church. It's funny how a place which was a part of my life for so many years is now again. Especially since for so many years all I wanted to do was get out of it. I am so naive. I did search on "haze" and I got lots of pictures of marijuana plants. So that's what Jimi Hendrix was talking about.