TIDE TURNING?

I got an e-mail from a high school classmate. I thought it was another death but it turns out the mother of another classmate wants to become a priest. Evidently the diocese of Pittsburgh wants to excommunicate her. This is definitely more interesting than the Promise Keepers.

WOW

I was talking to my relief person about the person I mentioned in last Thursday's post. She said "he sexually harassed me. I'm glad he's gone."

AND IT MAKES ME WONDER

Whether some people are really cursed? Or whether they ARE a curse? Or are they passive-aggressive? Or just losers?

WEEK 14

Well, the unlucky 13 is over. I got a 99 on the mid-term. The only answer I got wrong was "right subclavian vein." I will never forget that as long as I live.

SEE THESE CHRISTIANS

How they love one another. One of the Bible-thumpers with whom I work altered at least three documents with my signature on them. Isn't there something about bearing false witness against thy neighbour?

I HAD A DREAM

I was at my college and I broke my leg. And I had some abnormal lung sounds. Evidently I blacked out and Roger carried me to my car so I could drive myself to the hospital. I was dragging myself around on a cast with no crutches.

I dream about my college a lot. Before that it was my high school. I have not broken any bones in a while.

POP!

Goes the shoulder.

DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING THAT

1) EVERYONE else is more important than you and

2) No one is listening anyway?

TOO HOT/TIRED TO BLOG

I think that just about sez it all.

WEEK 13

This mod is already one-third over. As much as I'm looking forward to it, Mom says you should never wish your life away. By the time graduation comes I will be closer to my death and so will those closest to me.

DOLDRUMS

According to the Columbia Encyclopedia "equatorial belt of calms, area around the earth centered slightly north of the equator between the two belts of trade winds."

Usually referred to as the "summer doldrums" but they can occur at any time or place. Like right now as I am waiting for my sex life, other relationships, finances, personal satisfaction level to improve.

Daphne DuMaurier says "boredom is a pleasing antidote to fear."

WENDY WITHDREW

Wendy has withdrawn from class. She started the same day I did.

Last night Shirl accidentally grabbed my ass and apologized.

A NICE COMPLIMENT

From Geraldine, re last mod's extra-credit project: "Very cool. Your talents no know bounds!"

HOT, HOT, HOT

Today was supposed to be a record high. Don't think we made it. Instead of my uniform I wore a Jams World baby doll dress to work. Yesterday I wore my uniform and walked down Woodmont Avenue looking like a Bedouin woman.

SEX TOY STORY

The person who gives me dirty books and sex toys every birthday and Chanukah is upset about last month's sex toy store post. I explained that I was shopping for stockings, not toys, and that I didn't even BUY any.

RAIN WOMAN

Shirl is calling me "Rain Man" because of my autistic tendencies. She could at least call me "rain woman."

THE BEST DEFENSE

There have been 15 homicides in DC this month. I heard someone on WTOP say a lot of people are signing up for self-defense courses. It brings back memories of the the day I was robbed three years ago. This is what I wrote in my other blog:

I left my building at about 10:45 AM on Tuesday October 28th. I heard a shout behind me at the corner of 20th Street and Belmont Road, "hey" or "huh" or something like that. The man then said "give me your money." I thought he was a homeless person, so I said "no." He asked a second time and I said "no, I'm not giving it to you." He kept on following me and said "Give me your money or I'll shoot you. I mean it." He had his hand under his jacket. I opened my purse and threw the contents onto the street. The man took the bills, but no change and no credit cards. He then headed in the direction of Kalorama Park. He was a young black man, looked to be in his 20's, over 5'8" tall (I am 5'7", but was wearing shoes with at least 1" heels at the time). He was light-skinned, thin build, wearing a two-tone baseball cap (white with darker stripes) and a bright blue or royal blue down jacket and jeans. He had a white t-shirt sticking out from under his jacket. He had dark eyes and the hair which was sticking out from under the bottom of his cap was short and curly. Yes, I thought he had a gun, yes, I thought he would shot me and yes, I feared for for my life.

Jay says if a client comes on to you hit him/her and call the cops

SEVEN MONTHS

Seven months until my official last day of school. Seven months of little sleep and barely hanging on financially. My muscles hurt so badly I woke up screaming yesterday morning. I am taking aspirin and Ben Gay. I used to work with a gay guy named Ben. There is some Dilacor in the bathroom but don't want to take that without an official OK.

HE'S REALLY DEAD

It took a while for it to sink in. Worked all night, got up for mass, turns out they gave the wrong time (or no time). The parish secretary was very nice. I tried to be as noncommittal about the whole thing as I could, "he went to our high school, he taught there, he had a daughter and a couple stepchildren..." I didn't mention the fact that he had been kicked out of our school on a morals charge. Last week I said he was "one of the people I blame most for my dysfunctionality." Except the person I should really be blaming is myself. Please, G-d, no more deaths for a while.

WEEK 12

I am about almost one-fifth done with everything now. This week's topic has been the heart/circulatory system, which I probably know more about than a lay person should, kind of in the Frida Kahlo vein (no pun intended).

VARICOSE VEINS

Two of our topics are varicose veins and spider veins. The pictures in the book are not very good but I was not gonna remove my pants for the benefit of the class. I had my teeth cleaned. Lupi and Julie say my gums look better than they ever had. Great, my face is broken out but my gums look good. I told Mom I would rather have a good-looking face and bad gums but she pointed out the dangers of an endocarditis (myocarditis?).

MR. F

He is not a client but he might as well be -- he is a coworker. He is overweight and does not bathe or change his clothes often enough. I think he MAY be familiar with the concept of shampoo. And deodorant. He was married but either his wife threw him out or he walked out on her. At any rate, after his shift he sleeps on the floor. Sometimes I have to wake him up. Other times I have to step over him. He usually sleeps through the alarm, which is set to a radio station which is not quite at the right dial position so it is incredibly loud and static-y.

Probably the worst thing about him is his socks. Sometimes they are so vile I almost throw up. There have been times in which I walk past the room in which he's sleeping and the smell wafts out into the hallway. Also, he is VERY regular. Around five in the morning, which is crunch time for me, he is hogging the bathroom. Sometimes it is so foul I can smell it in the hall even when he has the door closed. There have been mornings in which I have elected to wait to drive home to pee rather than use the bathroom he has been hogging, which is meant for on-air (read on-duty) staff.

Ironically, this man is a Born-again Christian. Evidently being born once was not enough for him. Mom says "Some Christians -- fighting and stinky feet"

MARKET DAYS

Tuesday is market day in Bethesda. There is a woman there whom I think is a Mennonite. She has a lovely complexion and German facial features like Barbara's. Her gray hair is tied in a single braid behind her neck and she wears the characteristic Mennonite puffy-sleeved small-print dresses. Every Tuesday she comes from the town of Gardners, Pennsylvania. She sez it's in the 717 area code just north of Gettysburg. I feel funny trying to engage her in conversation and asking her if she is a Mennonite. Even if I ask clients whether they have contagious diseases. Her stand sells fruit and baked goods. The raspberries are gorgeous. There is an almost ethereal quality about her that I envy, especially as I walk from the market to deal with the assholes in the parking garage.

SCHOOL DAZE

School is back in full swing. Our school is about a mile from the house in which I grew up. I think I worked just across the street from the school when I was about 18. If the building is there it's changed so much I don't recognize it. Or maybe I've changed so much.

It's near a wooded area. On break I go out the parking lot and just feel the summer. And smell it. There is a bowling alley across the street from school. I went there and got a cold drink. It seems as though time stands still there.

Also, the Seven Stars convenience store on Park Avenue keeps the screen door open in nice weather. In the morning the smell of frying bacon and eggs reminds me of years ago. It is comforting.

GIRLS ON FILM

Paul sent me a C-SPAN video clip of the April 29th Correspondents' Dinner. It's amazing one can look so good and feel so bad.

A BODY IN MOTION

Stays in motion. Force equals mass times acceleration. Momentum equals mass times velocity

ANOTHER DEATH

One of the people I blame most for my dysfunctionality is dead. They buried him today. They're having a memorial service for him next Saturday. I will probably go if nothing else just to make sure he's really dead. As though I am not still hurting from my father's death. Some times I think I'm going insane.

How many deaths does this make in the last five months? Nine?

WEEK ELEVEN

Boy, this week of "vacation" has flown by. Monday we start in full swing again.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Took a makeup artistry class with Liza at First Class. Two things I learned:

1) Brushes are an important tool of the trade. You can use them more effectively than fingers or those little applicators you get in the package.

2) There is such a thing as a licensed makeup artist in Maryland.

SHE SEEMS OKAY

The woman mentioned in yesterday's post is back at work, dressed and acting more subdued and demurely than she usually does. I asked her something like "are you feeling better today" and she said "yes." I guess it's none of my business beyond that.

What bothers me is that I pride myself on my ability to “think outside the box.” I never would have thought “seizure,” but I will consider it in the future. By the time I was in third grade my vision was 20/200 and I was walking into walls. My teacher said I was “on cloud nine” because I was always staring into space, Mom and Dad accused me of trying to attract attention and my pediatrician said I was “just tired.” I have a hard time forgiving that and an even harder time forgetting. One of my best friends has seizures but she’s never had one around me. She says she’s afraid people think she’s either retarded or a druggie (her words) and she is certainly neither. I have a leaky tricuspid valve, a disorder common to heroin addicts and phen-fen users, but I would imagine by looking at me you wouldn’t think either. I am not skinny.

My newest massage teacher is a registered nurse who says massage therapists should not try to “diagnose” or make clients think “something is wrong with them.” Case in point, a hypothetical client is a thin post-menopausal woman who has been told to bump up her calcium intake. My suggestion that the therapist suggest the client ask her doctor about a bone scan was met with a negative from the prof. On the other hand, she suggested asking the client about her children, social life, etc to make sure she’s not lonely. Personally I hate it when medical doctors/nurses try to play amateur psychiatrist – I guess it’s a throwback to the days in which Mom and Dad accused me of trying to get attention when all I needed was a pair of glasses.

I guess if this woman wants to talk to me or anybody about it she will.

OFF-THE-JOB TRAINING

This evening I went to get my mail and pay my condo fee. I don’t know what was wrong with the front desk attendant, who has seemed like a nice, competent person until now. Tonight, however, she was walking like a movie zombie (or mummy or Frankenstein). I did not smell alcohol or pot on her – I asked her if she was ok and she mumbled “yes.” A guy who just happened to walk in from outside told me he was a doctor and he thought she was having a seizure. She could stand up and walk ok, she was not jerking or twitching but she was staring straight ahead.

The doctor told me to call 911. Ironically he was interested in moving into our building – I explained we were a condo and he needed to contact individual owners if he was interested in renting. He stayed with me until the 911 people came. I’m not sure whether they took her to the hospital or not.

This has me bothered – should I have called 911 right away? I tried to find a condo board person or the building engineer but couldn’t. I wouldn’t have just left her there – I went to bed after the paramedics arrived and the engineer had been paged. This bothers me especially as I am entering a healthcare field and and pride myself on being a professional.

4TH OF JULY

Happy 4th of July! Try to celebrate by relaxing and not thinking about North Korea firing test missiles.

HAVE A HEALTHY DAY

Well, I am actually trying to bring my cholesterol down. Leo sez two ways of doing it (other than statin drugs) are by losing weight and exercising more. That's what the Kaiser doctor said. Yeah, right, after a day of talking to retarded hicks I'm gonna go to an aerobics class, which I can't afford anyway. It's all I can do to get into the car, drive home and crash face-first on the sofa. As for eating healthy, it's enough for me to get out of bed and get myself to work to talk to the hicks, forget about making a nice little salad the night before.

Years ago a nutritionist I went to said instead of eating an Egg McMuffin I should have a hard-boiled egg and toast a plain English Muffin.

1) English Muffins by themselves taste like styrofoam disks. The only way to make them BEARABLE is to put a fried egg, a slice of "Canadian bacon," whatever the fuck that really is, and a slice of processed cheese food between the two porous slices.

2) I am busy and stressed out enough as it is. The last thing I need to do is get up EARLIER, boil an egg, toast a muffin and clean up after that.

3) A double cheeseburger and a McChicken are a dollar apiece. A "premium salad," which is the only kind that fills me up, is three or four times that much. You do the math.

There that being said, I am actually TRYING to eat healthier. On the plan currently -- fresh fruit, tuna fish packed in water, cappucino with nonfat milk, 100% oat bran cereal and Chicken Stars soup. I figure I cannot eat this shit seven days a week, but one-seventh of my life is spent on Monday, so I will make Monday my "healthy day." People associate Mondays with pain, hardship and getting back into the swing of things after a relaxing weekend, so I figure make the suffering full-blown.

MY MUSCULOSKELETAL ANATOMY PROJECT: THE HAND -- PHYSICAL AND METAPHYSICAL

Modern radiograph (X-ray) of a healthy adult human hand. Hand abnormalities can indicate nutritional deficiencies, heart disease, cancer, arthritis, lupus, scleroderma or other disorders



1918 Gray's Anatomy illustration of the left hand fasciae (palmar view)



Traditional palmistry (chiromancy) illustration





While palmistry was once used as a means of divination ("fortune-telling") now it is more used to discern the querent’s character or potential. For example, a woman who asks "do you see me getting married?" might be told she needs to make some changes in her thinking/behaviour before she can attract a proper mate. A man who asks "do you see more money coming my way?" might be told he has the potential to earn more than he does now, but that something in his behaviour/thinking is blocking him.





Lines of the palm: 1: Life line - 2: Head line - 3: Heart line - 4: Girdle of Venus - 5: Sun line - 6: Mercury line - 7: Fate line

Modern day hand analysts (palm readers) use the lines as a means of character analysis or potential rather than to foretell the future. For example, a shortened life line does not necessarily indicate an untimely demise, but more likely the client's inability to fully embrace or enjoy life.



Size and shape of the palm are also important. Just as astrologers deal with earth, water, air and fire signs, hand analysts deal with earth, water, air and fire hands. The hand above is an earth hand with its characteristic square palm and short fingers. Typically people with earth hands are seen as reliable, methodical and detail-oriented. However, some individuals may see the same people as stodgy, hide-bound and/or anal retentive.

It is possible for a person to have differing left and right hands, for example a right earth hand and a left fire hand or to have hands which are a combination of earth-fire or air-water.



Length, width and shape of fingers and thumbs, including nails, can also be very telling. For example, people with knotty fingers tend to be analytical problem-solvers and people with conical or pointy fingers tend to be more sensitive.



This symbol is called a "Hamsa." While it depicts a hand, this Jewish/Moslem symbol is not necessarily related to palmistry/chiromancy/hand analysis. It is often used as a body/home ornament and is meant to ward off the evil eye. Some Hamsas, such as this one, have an eye in the center.

WARNING!!!If you go for a reading/analysis and someone tells you you are "cursed" or suffering from past-life issues and he/she can remove the “curse,” DO NOT BELIEVE HIM/HER!!! Also, beware of readers who offer a low introductory rate and then tell you you need "more work" and that they need to charge you more. The same applies to those who ask for LARGE amounts of money or for gifts or services. Sometimes a five-dollar reading can end up costing you thousands of dollars. Have fun, but just use some common sense



Photo Sources:

http://www.rad.washington.edu/radanat/HandPALabelled.html

http://www.bartleby.com/107/illus427.html

http://www.crystalinks.com/palmistry.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Les_lignes_de_la_main_Artlibre.png

http://houstonclownfun.com/sitebuilder/images/palm-reader-houston-psychic-tarot-tx.-204x298.jpg

http://www.usenature.com/Article%20pictures/article_astrology_love_clip_image004.jpg

https://decs.nhgl.med.navy.mil/QUESTIONS/questions13.htm

http://www.barzilay.org/images/hamsa/Y-hamsa.jpg

http://members.aol.com/hpsofsnert/palm.jpg

http://www.chgs.umn.edu/Histories__Narratives__Documen/Visualizing_Otherness_Set_1/Visualizing_Otherness_Set_8/fortuneteller.jpg

http://www.palmistryinstitute.com/


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MY SECOND-WORST CLIENT EVER

Unlike my worst client ever, this guy was not married and there was a reason for it. He was fat and his apartment reeked of litter box. I was so naive I didn't realize when he told me he need a lot of heavy work in his "groin area" he meant he wanted a hand job. He kept on pulling my hands down to his groin. I thought I would puke in the car on the way home, partly because of the awful massage experience partly because of the liter box odour. He actually called a couple weeks later and asked for another appointment.

I told him "I understand if you say 'no' to my conditions, but you are way too interested in your groin and you need to do something about that litter box. Clean it out or move it to another room or something." He said "thank you for being so honest and I think you'll understand if I say 'no'" I forget which one of us hung up first. Not sure whether he was more insulted because I said something about his groin or his cat.