WORLD AIDS DAY

December first is World Aids Day.

CHRIST YOU KNOW IT AIN'T EASY

As usual, I told this evening's first client to "disrobe to his level of comfort." I prefer to have the shorts left on. He preferred otherwise. So not only was there nothing into which I could touch the sheet, I had to look at this buttcrack. Not a pretty picture. Jesus.

At least he left a decent tip and gave me a good review.

PROGRESS REPORT

Got our grades yesterday. I have almost a 97 average.

ANOTHER FIRST

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have the town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you’re all alone
But it’s time you started living
It’s time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don’t you take it
You’re gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

Sonny Curtis

Got my first 15-d0llar tip tonight. One client said my massage was "irratic," but who can take him seriously if he can't even spell?

I might just make it after all.

THE GIFT

One of the women from church says being able to give massages is a gift, that it's wonderful to be able to heal people's pain. Frankly, I am ashamed to tell people I am studying massage therapy -- I get the feeling people look on me as either a hooker or a glorified hairdresser. I need to be healed, not just to heal.

Another woman in my church teaches school. She says her students are not afraid to tell people if they have problems at home, that way they get people to do more things for them. Of course, some kids will outrightly lie and make up stories. I want to scream and say "I am still hurting from my childhood and more than two years after my father's death it is only getting worse."

CHAKRA CHAT

Evidently the seven chakras will be part of the nationals. Here is a cool page.

I HAVE A DREAM

I am in a hospital bed wearing a plain, clean white gown and covered with a clean white sheet. The doctors are kind of absent-minded and there is not much privacy. Gee maybe that wasn’t a dream. One of the nurses looks like one of my classmates, which is not a good thing, especially since she is performing a very delicate procedure.

I lie there without saying anything, thinking it’s good to lie there doing nothing, but I am worried about who will feed the pigs.

WEEK 31

Wow, this mod is one-third over. It seems to go by faster than the others, maybe because time seems to pass faster this time of year or maybe because this mod I am allowed to progress at my own speed. There is probably no doubt that I will pass the written portion, but I am still worried about my deep tissue work. And my body mechanics. And getting a good internship.

THANKSGIVING 2006

A person whose opinion I value writes:

“You're a middle class American living better than 99 percent of the world and enjoying luxuries unimaginable even half a century ago. Perhaps you're focused on what you don't have - not on what you do - ask yourself whether this is healthy or unhealthy to think this way.”


Okay, I have running water and electricity but then so do probably all of my elementary school classmates. And my high school, undergraduate school and graduate school classmates. Plus, some of them are more attractive than I am, married to attractive men, have more money and more prestigious jobs than I do. And looking at what I had to be thankful for in 2003 when I first started blogging and last year I have less and less for which to be thankful every year. (I didn’t list anything in 2004 as I was still getting over my father’s death.


This is what I had to be thankful for three years ago:

1) Both my parents and my grandmother are alive and in reasonably good health.

2) I am reasonably healthy, even if I don't always feel good, I at least have the strength (willpower?) to drag myself from one job to another. Even though I am paying $309 per month out of pocket for health insurance, it allows me to go to any doctor or hospital I want to, and I can use it as a tax deduction.

3) I have enough food to eat, and don't have to rely on a food bank, even though I make the wrong choices and eat too much junk food/convenience food.

4) I have a roof over my head in a neighborhood a lot of people would kill to live in, and I pay an absurdly low amount to live there. Even though my condo looks awful now, someday I will get my act together.

5) Even though I have to work three jobs, I am working at one of the top ten stations in a top ten market. Some people would do my job for free.

6) My pigs.

7) Home equity lines of credit and 0% APR credit cards, which I ditch as soon as the APR goes up.

8) Technology which allows me to start my holiday shopping early without leaving my computer, get cash in the middle of the night on a holiday, put gas in my car without dealing with an attendant, refill my prescriptions, which improve my life, by phone, talk to relatives hundreds of miles away while I'm in my car and reheat the mashed potatoes in a plastic bowl within seconds.

This is what I had to be thankful for last year:

That no family members or pigs have died within the last four months.
That Mom and her siblings and Dad’s four sisters are all in reasonably good health.
That Mom’s cat and my pigs are healthy.
That I am healthy even though I have to drag myself out of bed.
That I have a place to live and will for about the next 27 or 28 years. I do not have to answer classified ads or deal with rental agents, roommates or landlords.
That my career has not gone any farther downhill and that things may be actually looking up.
For people like Catherine who live within walking distance and offer to meet me for a drink on Thanksgiving or my birthday.

This year:
1) I am one parent and one grandparent lighter.

2) I am still reasonably healthy, I just don’t feel it a lot of the time. And I am paying less for health insurance, even if it is fucking Kaiser Permanente, the McDonald’s of health plans.

3) Yeah, I have enough to eat and yeah, I make bad choices

4) Still have a roof over my head in a neighbourhood people would kill to live in, don’t have to deal with roommates, classified ads, etc. If I can just keep everything from falling apart until more money comes in…

5) Still working in a top ten market, with the usual ratings fluctuations

6) Still thankful for the pigs. They know how to live. They eat every meal as though it were a Thanksgiving dinner.

7) Home equity line of credit is maxed out and the fucks at Wachovia won’t extend it. The twit I last dealt with said “just try to get your debt down a little more.” Yeah, tell the starving people in Africa their problems would just go away if they’d just eat a little more.

8) I have almost all my generic winter holiday gifts already. About all I need now is some gift bags and paper. This year I’m not falling for those “sales” that really aren’t.

9) No close family members or pigs have died within the last four months.

10) Mom, her siblings and Dad’s are still in reasonably good health.

11) Mom’s cat and my pigs are healthy.

12) Catherine is out of town this year due to a family emergency, but I still have good friends with whom I can have dinner. Including Uncle Pat, who has lived and lost more than I have yet can still say “it’s memories of days like today that matter.”

13) My career is moving laterally or even downhill, but at least I’m free from the bad choice I made a little over a year ago.

Yes, I still have something left. Now to get over the fear that even that will be taken away.

TO AN UNTHANKFUL CLIENT FROM AN EVEN LESS-THANKFUL THERAPIST

It’s Thanksgiving Eve. I have things to do. Lee Highway is a multi-vehicle accident waiting to happen yet I drive through rain, fog and rush-hour traffic to massage your fat ass. Yet you say I don’t “meet your needs.” What do you expect for $24.00? That’s about a third of what the average DC area therapist charges and we don’t get a nickel of it. And sometimes you don’t even tip. And you’re late yet I go overtime and you still bitch. BTW, have you ever heard of deodorant?

WASHEE IRONY OR THE SONG OF THE KOREAN LAUNDRYMAN

I livee upee in a teeny-weeny housie
I livee upee on the thirty-first floor
I do the washing, a VELLY BIG-A WASHING
Ruffles on a petticoat ten cents more

I like a chow-chow better than a bow-wow
I like a little girl and she like-a me.
Way back in Hong Kong, big-a man-a come along
He take my little girl a way from-a me
Boom ditty ah-ah
So sad!

This was not politically incorrect when I was a Camp Fire Girl. Even then, though, I wondered.

For more camp songs click here.

Unfortunately, one of my favourite Our Gang episodes is titled "Washee Ironee." The kids need to do some laundry so they find a Chinese kid who really looks the part -- Mandarin jacket, cap etc. It's politically incorrect as hell.

Now it is mostly Koreans who do laundry/drycleaning. One afternoon P and I were watching a Korean soap opera with no subtitles. Scene: a beautifully dressed couple in an elegant restaurant. They are toasting each other with champagne -- the mood is festive. P's interpretation "we celeblate. I open new dly cleaning stole tomollow."

We get our laundry delivered to the school by some Hispanic guys. The company's motto is "always rented, never sold." It is stamped on every pillow case. I guess so we don't try to sell it.

THE WELL-HYDRATED PIG

Took my baby pig to the vet to give a stool specimen. The vet sez her (baby pig's) colouring looks good and she looks well-hydrated. I take it as a compliment. Took myself to the hospital to give a urine specimen. Now waiting on the results from both.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE PARTIES GONE?

Since about 6:30 AM yesterday (Saturday) I have only left the building twice. Ok, so I got my homework for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and part of Thursday finished. And I will be fresh for tomorrow. If there had been anything going on I would have gone, but there wasn't. Maybe that was a good thing. Last week Roger had a games night but I was either working, going to school or too tired, I forget which. The week before that Neil called but I was on my way to Sally's. The time before that I was either asleep or online. I sometimes think for all it's brought me I should have gone to more parties, to the beach and to the mall more from high school through graduate school. In less than three months I will have more spare time and be able to start enjoying life again, but will there be any parties left to go to?

NAME THAT DISEASE

For homework I have to come up with a pathology for every letter of the alphabet, tell which system if affects and whether it is indicated or contraindicated for massage. Here goes:

A-Autism, affects nervous system. Indicated but best to consult with client's physician, other professional, legal guardian.

B-Beriberi, affects nervous, circulatory systems. Contraindicated until client has completely recovered.

C-Constipation, affects digestive system. Indicated if client is otherwise healthy.

D-Dwarfism, affects skeletal system. Indicated but therapist should be careful because client's bone structure is likely to be different from that of a person of stature.

E-Eczema, affects skin.Contraindicated if client is experiencing a flare-up.

F-Flatulence, affects digestive system.Indicated if client is otherwise healthy, but may be unpleasant for therapist.

G-Gonorrhea, affects reproductive system in earliest stages, can affect others if untreated. Indicated if client has received treatment and therapist does not attempt to massage affected areas.

H-Hirsutism, caused by endocrine system, affects integumentary system. Indicated but therapist may want to use more lubricant.

I-Impetigo, affects integumentary system. Contraindicated.

J-Jaundice, affects digestive system (liver). Contraindicated.

K-Klismophilia, sexual gratification through enemas. Indicated but therapist should not perform colonic irrigation even if client requests it.

L-Lyme Disease, affects nervous, musculoskeletal and ultimately circulatory system. Contraindicated until client has fully recovered.

M-Multiple Personality Disorder, believed to originate in nervous system. Indicated as long as client is not dangerous and all the personalities agree to it. Therapist has a right to charge more if personalities want to be massaged separately.

N-Neurofibromatosis, mainly affects nervous, muscular systems, can affect others. Indicated unless client is in severe pain or physician recommends against it.

0-Otopyorrhea, affects ear. Contraindicated.

P-Paget's Disease, affects skeletal system. Contraindicated.

Q-Quinsy, affects lymphatic system (tonsils). Contraindicated.

R-Rickets, affects skeletal system.Contraindicated unless directed by physician.

S-Syphilis, originates in reproductive system, can affect others if untreated. Indicated if client has received treatment and is not in advanced stations. Therapist should not massage affected areas.

T-Tay-Sachs disease, affects nervous system. Indicated but client's parents should get authorization from physician.

U-Ulcerative Colitis, affects digestive system. Contraindicated if symptoms are acute.

V-Vitiligo, affects integumentary system. Indicated if client is otherwise healthy, pain-free.

W-Whipple's Disease, affects digestive system. Contraindicated until patient is symptom-free.

X-Xeroderma Pigmentosa, affects integumentary system. Contraindicated.

Y-Yellow Fever, digestive, urinary and later other systems. Contraindicated.

Z-Zoster, Herpes (Herpes Zoster), affects integumentary system. Contraindicated.

WEEK 30

Five weeks left in this mod. Five weeks until the generic winter holiday vacation, at which I will be working, but not studying or doing massages. Less than three months until my "anticipated graduation date." Got two ten-dollar tips this week, my first since I came here. I still hurt today -- slept about eleven hours.

SCARY MOVIE

As part of the requirement for our first aid/First Aid certification we had to watch a Red Cross DVD with about 25 different crisis situations. It was too realistic -- might as well have been a home video. I suggested afterwards we go out to dinner and order something with a lot of tomato sauce. Or ketchup.

THREE MONTHS

Three months until my "estimated date of graduation." Ok, that's actually my last day of classes -- the graduation ceremony probably won't be until about two or three months later. Meanwhile, it is a matter of hanging on physically, emotionally, financially...

CLOSER TO FINE

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children,
I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine. I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine. I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

Amy Ray/Emily Saliers

Spent the evening massaging women. Pretty soon I will get my paper and be free.

ANOTHER REASON TO BECOME A MASSAGE THERAPIST

Shamu belched into the phone and said to the person at the other end "excuse me, I had a bowl of soup and I'm sittin' here belchin'."

Class act.

NEW MOD, FIRST DAY

It went pretty well, but I realize how much I still have to learn. Nevertheless, I've come a long way. If past indicators are an indication of future performance I won't have to work nearly this hard when I'm actually massaging in the real world.

DEE DEE, JAMIE AND ME

My cousin Dee Dee is an LPN and our cousin Jamie is a nursing student. They have to do more lifting than I do. Mom sez as big as Jamie is she still has trouble and even then she doesn't get much help. Dee Dee is tiny and dark like her Italian mother. Jamie is probably about my size if not bigger. She is built like her blonde German mother but has the Romany facial features of her father's family. It's hard to believe the three of us share the same genetic material.

VETERAN'S DAY

Lots going on here, obviously. My late father was a veteran. I observed the holiday by going to school for extra-credit tutoring. Worked on the Michelle Phillips test to see where I stand. As I suspected, I need lots of work on the bones and muscles, but at least I got a head-start.

WEEK 29

Last mod before clinic. I got a 98 on the final plus two extra-credit points. I am the only one in my class who will be going to clinic, which may be beneficial. Al says I will be assistant clinic director, even if by default.

WOW

Only one more night left in this mod. We had our finals one night early. And it looks as though I might get my SECOND choice of an internship, which may be better than the first.

O'MALLEY'S TASTE IN WOMEN

"O'Malley has good taste in women. He talks to you." My boss on Governor-elect Martin O'Malley, whose band played where I used to hang.

THE CZAR'S A LITTLE TALLER

"Do you think there's any difference whether we live under the Czar or Napoleon? They're both crooks. The Czar's a little taller."

Woody Allen, Love and Death

That's basically how I feel, but I voted anyway. I would probably vote for anyone who would improve the economy so that I don't ever have to give another massage.

PUBLIC SERVANTS ANNOUNCEMENT

Don't forget to vote tomorrow (November 7th)

HAIL TO THE REDSKINS

The Redskins actually won one today. As our school provides them with massages we are enthusiastic about this. DC media is giving the Redskins about as much attention as the imminent hanging of Saddam Hussein. Here is a person whose viewpoints pretty much coincide with my own. I realize I might think differently if I were of Kurdish ancestry.

THE QUEEN

Saw The Queen today. It made Queen Elizabeth II look like a very fragile, human person. It also reminded me of all the deaths I've experienced in the last couple years and how those closest to the recently-deceased are put the most closely under the microscope. And that no one knows what they're REALLY thinking. And how we don't always have the warm and fuzzy feelings we're expected to have. For example no matter how annoying your MIL is she is still your husband's mother and the grandmother of your children and no matter how little regard you have for your son's ex-wife she is still your grandchildren's mother.

They showed some brief footage of Princess Diana's wedding. I'll never forget that day. Who could think anything could go so horribly wrong? Okay, I never thought back then I would end up doing public relations and massaging horny fat guys but at least I'm not dead. Okay, I realize I am not being horribly articulate but I haven't slept much.

Not that it has much to do with anything, but check out the National Press Club if you get a chance -- that's where we had lunch before the movie. They have great desserts.

WEEK 28

Only five days of class left. I tested positive for measles, mumps and rubella so I won't need a third set of shots. The next thing is to get a reading on my second Mantoux test.

DECISIONS, DECISIONS

They are trying to get me into the AOS program. As I already have a bachelor's and master's degree I figure this would be overkill. If I were gonna go for another degree it would be MD, PhD, JD or something like that. Or it would have to be from a really prestigious university. But with an AOS would I earn more money faster? Have to expend less physical energy? Could I work in a cushier place? Would people be nicer to me?

ALL SOULS

Today is feast of All Souls, also the title of one of my favourite X-Files episodes. Went to St. James to pray for my father, grandmother and cousin and the many other people who have died in the past two years, most of them this year. I prayed for my late pig, too, I figured, "why not." There were no candles to light. What the hell is going on?

ALL SAINTS

Today is All Saints' Day, the day on which we honour ALL the saints, even those we've never heard of. I am already obsessing over finals, which aren't till over a week from now.